A teenager’s brain develops at a rapid rate. While their brain is stuffed with facts, an ability to reason, consequences and social questions, they slowly also begin to think more about morals and standards. Your teen’s moral standards are based on a variety of outside influences and intrinsic motivation. While you might not be able to dictate your teen’s standards, you as a parent can play a positive role in helping to shape their morals and standards. When your teen was younger, his/her morals and standards mostly centered on the consequences of his actions; if he hit a friend, he got in trouble, therefore, he stopped hitting. As your teen ages, his moral compass begins to point toward society’s reaction to his actions Instead of thinking of only himself, he begins to think of the greater good and the way his actions affect others. This indicates an increased degree of maturity and the fact that your teen’s morals involves more than just himself.
Factors that influences teens’ morals and behaviour
Parental influence: If you want to be an instrumental part of developing your teen’s morals and standards, start early. By showing your teen what is important to your family: religion, liberal beliefs, traditional values, family, you set a clear precedent for your teen’s moral development. Your teen is likely to try a variety of standards, but your influence should be seen in what you expect of your teen. Expect more from your teen and you might receive a higher standard of morality than if you were to set expectations low.
Peer influence: You’re not the only one vying for attention in your teen’s moral life; his/herpeers also have influence when it comes to developing your teen’s standards. Societal norms help shape your teen’s ideas on what is and isn’t right. If he/she spends time with a group of friends with low moral standards, there is a chance that a flippant regard for the greater good and a blurry line between right and wrong could cloud your teen’s morals. As a parent, it’s important to know your teen’s friends and understand how they affect her development.
Moral conflict: No teen automatically makes the right choices all the time. While you can do your best as a parent to instill core values in your teen, he uses moral conflict as a way to test his morals and standards. If you sense that your teen is making choices that you don’t agree with, remember that your teen is only just learning about different belief systems and testing his own standards against those he’s been taught by his family and those learned from peers. Each moral conflict is an excellent opportunity to talk to your teen about what you expect from him to help shape his standards and further define his moral.
How parents and other adults can help teens become less vulnerable to the destructive whims of peers and able to stand up for important principles.
Many adults are failing to help teenagers find their moral voice. Rather than expecting too much of their teenagers, these adults are expecting too little. Especially as parents have come to rely increasingly on teens for closeness over the last few decades, many of us are failing to insist on high standards and important principles. Rather than seeing teens’ behaviour as a function of a developmental stage, as we would the temper tantrum of a four-year-old, many parents and adults are distressed and angry because they mistakenly believe teens’ capitulation to peers, signals weakness or lack of will. They view teenagers as young adults who should be expected to take responsibility for their actions like other adults. It is important for parents to stand for certain principles, when they dismiss or don’t fully grasp their teen’ fears of peer rejection. Yet it’s just as mistaken and risky to view teenagers as a separate specie as it is to view them as weak versions of adults. Because teens tend to be aware of what they ought to do, they need and respect adults who deeply appreciate their peer predicaments and also ally with their own high inner standards. Adults can be most helpful to teens when they are able to listen and empathize, to understand teens’ worlds and their peer dynamics while connecting their values and wisdom to their experience.
How values influences the decisions teens make
Career path: Choosing a career path often involves tough decisions. Your teen may need to decide whether to pursue a career that offers more money or a career that helps people.
Higher education choice: Your teen may need to choose between a prestigious University far away and a school that is close to home. Or, he may have to decide between a University that costs a lot of money and a less expensive one. Your teen’s values about money, family and achievement can influence this decision.
Friendships: Who your teen chooses to become friends with is often based on finding people with similar values. A teen who lacks clear values may be easily influenced by the wrong crowd. Your teen will need to decide where friends fall on the priority list in life.
Work ethic: A teen who greatly values hard work may spend weekends and vacations studying or working at a part-time job. A teen who doesn’t value work as much, may spend time with friends or family. It’s important for teens to have a clear sense of how much they value work in their lives.
Free time: Your teen’s choices about how to spend his free time will largely be based on his values. If he values friends, he may choose to spend that time with his buddies. If he values work, he may choose to get a part-time job.
Romantic relationships: The decisions teens make in their romantic relationships are largely based on their values. Your teen’s values will play a large role in how much time he spends with a romantic interest and whether to engage in sexual activity or not.
How parents can help their teens to make the right choice
Teaching your teen the underlying reasons for your rules is one of the best ways to ensure that he makes good choices when you’re not around. For example, avoid saying, “Don’t do that because I said so.”Otherwise, when you’re not there, he may choose to do those things. Instead, warn him about the potential consequences of his behaviour. If he has a good understanding of why he shouldn’t do certain things, he’s less likely to become reckless as he gains more freedom. Your teen doesn’t necessarily have to adopt the exact same values as you. In fact, part of growing up often includes rejecting certain values. But if you’ve instilled a strong ethical character in your teen, his moral compass may only differ slightly from your value system. Keep in mind that as he/she continues to grow and change, his values will continue to develop as well.
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