WOMEN, it is assumed, talk about everything and anything. In fact, two women strangers sitting next to each other on a 2-hour journey will arrive at their destination knowing how many children each has, birth control method used, work life, the burden of juggling work with family, and just name it.
Some go as far a revealing their insecurities, dreams and even talk freely about their numerous troubles. This goes without saying that talking is one proven way the body is detoxified of burdens- and the heart lightened.
Limits: As free-talking as women folks might appear though, core marital issues such as sex in marriage, violence and abuse, which are most times root causes of distraught and mental instability for many, are sieved and laid far, far away from the conversation table. If at all brought to the fore, such issues are heavily packaged and painted to conceal their real situation, if unpleasant.
love
While many may label this as pretence though, it isn’t rare to hear women say it’s the wisest way to converse with friends; even though male folks may not share same school of thought.
“To a large extent, there are some things I cannot tell my friends. On a scale of 1-10, I’d be on 5 because you cannot truly trust a friend; you don’t know when a friend will turn into a monster. Beside, some friends are just there for gossip,” Ope Adeite-Peters, a young mother chimed in.
Funmi Adebayo, another young mother based in Lagos, on her part, said she doesn’t talk about issues happening in her marriage with friends at all.
“Somebody must have died before they would hear me complain about anything in my marriage. Besides I find it easier talking with guys than ladies. I discovered ladies have so much sentiments attached to things,” she said.
Sex education: This culture of selective discourse and pretence unfortunately plays out also in interactions between many mothers and their children, as they find it difficult opening up on issues regarding sex and the body with their naive kids who, in actual fact, are in dire need of tutelage for a safe transition from child to adulthood.
Erroneously, most mothers fear children may become promiscuous if exposed to such talks as sexuality education, not realizing they still would learn about it in their own (most times unsafe, misguided) ways.
Unsafe sources
Be assured there are arrays of sources on the loose- and of course beyond your absolute control. At school are friends from unimaginable backgrounds and of course ‘mesmerizing’ teachers. By road sides are vendors of assorted pornographic literatures. At home are relatives, friends and neighbours, some waiting to devour your child. And of course, there’s the ever-compliant internet always ready to disseminate whatever garbage it is given.
Discussing sex: Early, honest and open communication between parents and kids is very important, especially when your child becomes an adolescent. Beginning a conversation about sex early and continuing that conversation as the child grows is the best sex education strategy, experts say. It lets parents avoid giving one big- and likely uncomfortable talk when the child is already grown and would have already been misinformed by other unguided sources.
When to start: With predators on the loose and children being robbed of their innocence daily- and with of course so much impunity- no age can be too early to start teaching children about their body parts and how they affect their lives and psychology.
A recent (down played) case of a five-year-old girl said to be engaging in sexual intercourse with male classmates whom she would always lure to the toilet with her at school, is a testament to that.
Of course some paedophile somewhere introduced her to the act- and got her addicted too- to the extent of trying it out on classmates.
This case underscores the opinion of experts who advise that parents begin talking to their children about their body parts and teaching them which are private- like the thighs, pubic area, lips, breasts, buttocks, etc. and which are not, once they begin developing speech. Do not feel shy about telling them how to jealously guard those private parts.
The benefits of sexuality education are enormous. Aside imparting in children the right information which can help protect them from risky behaviour as they grow up, it’s also an avenue for instilling family values in your kids.
For example, if you come from a family that abhors premarital sex, this- including its likely consequences, can form part of the discussion.
Vanguard
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