Don't Laugh Alone: A True Life Story Of A Unilag Undergraduate

Dear Diplomatic porch followers,

If you're having a long day, or you just need a funny story to laugh wherever you are, then we have you covered today. After the jump is a really funny and interesting true life story that a blog reader sent to us about "A True Life Story of A Unilag Undergraduate". It's really really funny actually and we expect it to make you really happy wherever you are. See the story after the jump: Tuesday morning, Shodeinde back then in Year 1.. Yuk I was in the toilet *winks* that morning smiling and rapping some lines of my song... "Lobatan" in jumbles "Even when I drop sh*** it still smells right Ma Flows don't sag, lyrically am uptight If rap was a church my lines would be Deeper Though am Off KEYS I still sing better than ALICIA ..." Wheeeeew!! Today was going good at least not to mention the usual "aroma* (lol) of shodeinde's Toilets and environs.

My classes would be rounded up by 12... I smiled, I remembered Topsy the diploma babe I was currently chykin.., She had this slim figure like a broom I don't even know what I saw in her then... it was after today's episode I started to Comfort myself she ain't good enough for me (˘̯˘ ) Okay we had planned to go and see a movie... On monday but we couldn't go due to my heavy schedule of lectures... So my pal, Slamnizzle told me 2 chill till Wednesday that I could take her then... But to make up for the disappointment the previous day I refused and decided to take her on that Tuesday... I was in year 1 and most times I had been 2 E-Centre 4 movies was on Wednesday when we had free popcorn and drinks... God blesh wednesdays!! But without checking ma pocket I carried my big head and withdrew ma last 4k from the ATM that morning believing it should be enough for today. So When Topsy called, I told her 2 dress up. While I went 2 treat myself to a sumptuous meal inside Huski cafteria consuming out of the 4k I had withdrawn earlier in the day.. She came down around 6pm looking all dressed and beautiful... In my mind am thinking "owww so na bcoz of me dis gal make up like dis... Well she's feeling the boy oo" So we started moving, She asked me how we were to move.... I told her "we'll take a bus from gate 2 sabo... Then trek to e-centre" wallahi d diploma babe no gree at all oo she talk say "I can't be climbing bus nor okada at this kinda time for the type of place we are going"" hmmm... I just checked my pocket... Mehn my money was now like 3300... Okay Leggo!! We con reach gate she say make we take CAB!! So I still dey price with one baba make ihn take 500.. Naso d binsh con shook mouth and said "pay the 800 naaaw hun so we won't be late" I open mouth for inside my mind, I no wan expreSs am for outside coz I dey form big boy... We entered the Cab and gisted till we got there... Now inside Ozone... I paid for our movie tickets; 2k... I was now left with about 6H after paying for cab and Tickets.. Hmmmmm.. Gobe!! In my mind I was thinking..; "Yeeey!! Temi ti ba mi..ooo... If she like make she no enta bus as we dey go bak I go just leave am for there ... Ha make she no go request 4 somefin wey I no fit buy oo""" my mind wasn't settled.. We waited a little till the movie was about starting.. As we were moving to the theatre she drew me back and said... "Won't we get drinks and popcorn?" I smiled in pains... Errr I said "why not"... Na so we con approach the counter.. The babe collect one bag of popcorn and one can drink... Grrrr, Please Note at this point, I don't even know how to think anymore coz I knew I was gonna pay for that... So I Collected only popcorn, no drink... Believing that it should cost less than a drink a normal person would collect the drink and leave popcorn out naaaa... I told Topsy "I am watching ma Sugar intake". Wallahi I abnormal small that day.. So na ihn I ask the fine babe wey dey counter say how much na the two popcorn and drink... She said something like 1300naira... Wait!! E be like say I no hear well... Haa... And I had only 6H in ma pocket, I just wish say make Trumpet just sound make I disappear go heaven leave that babe for there (˘̯˘ ) Pause......................... Guys, If na you be me wetin you go do at this point.. Well am a christian and u see am very humble... Lolzz. naso I tell the babe say change no dey oo say make she bring 1K say d 1K wey I get, e No good.. I could feel the Binsh staring at the side of my face but I couldn't look her in the face I sha add 500 from the 600 wey dey ma hand 2 d babe 1K... Collect 200 change... I con keep d last 300 for ma pocket... And I DETERMINED Like Kanu Nwankwo that na danfo we go enter back to Unilag.. We watched the stupid movie... Ihn con even be Nigerian movie " last flight to abuja or so" my mind No even dey there... I no even touch ma popcorn.. I just dey reason say I don fall ma hand Bad bad.. After the movie things were awkward between us. Talk no just dey flow well when we reached down to go back to school... Guess wetin the babe talk??? You guessed Right.. The babe say make we carry CAB again.. Yepa!! By this time I no fit panic again... JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!! D babe just stand 4 one side. So I follow one cab man negotiate beg am say make ihn take 6H say the babe wey I dey carry na mental patient, make ihn help us.. Ihn con agree.... inside the cab we didn't say anything to each other she must be thinking "hmm this guy no sure oo... Ihn be Eba boy" me no mind coz I no say na only 3H even dey ma hand.. I just use one calm voice tell d babe say "you know these ATMs could be annoying, they'll be giving someone damaged money" she just said "ok"... Na for there I know say I don fu*k up Big time... Wait Readers that's not all... When we reached unilag... Naso I give the baba 3H.. The babe get down begin 2 make phone call, the Cab man don dey para for me say make I balance am ihn remaining 3H... As the gal call finish I just tell am say the man money remain 3H... Naso She commot money pay again... Lol as we now entered school, I no even get single 30naira 4 school Cab reach New Hall, and since I don fall my hand bad bad.. I no want make Topsy pay ma cab fare.. I no even wan see the binsh again... I just form fake phone call like say person dey call me. I now told her to be going that I'll meet her in New hall. I entered El-kanemi hall and narrated my Ordeal to my bestie "Tyrant" a rapper like me... Omo d guy laugh me no be small oo.. con escort me go new hall Now in new hall I saw Jaybreeze another school artiste... He consoled me when he heard about my ordeal he didn't laugh at me at first though until the shock of the whole day happend. I was standing at that Suya junction Na ihn I see The Babe Coming with two of her friends, she was in the middle na so our eye jam with her two friends, I just waved timidly... Guess what??,,,!!!! as her friends just sight me na ihn dey Burst out in laughter.... Gawd!!! I have Never Felt More Embarrased in my Whole life... Even Jaybreeze con dey laugh me... Stupid Binshes!!! Why she go tell her friends naaaa.... I just Run upstairs enter ma room.. I no dey come outside anyhow again... I really fall ma hand bad bad!!! Its true I planned 2 take her out... But e be like say na she take me out instead. Is dat bad?? (˘̯˘ ) mstcheeeew!! You answer Lobatan!!! I have been hiding this story for almost 3years.. Ffw @seanbrielo